Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
