I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
