I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
