I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
