if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
