My Higher Power is John Stamos
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
