If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
