currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
