Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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