you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
