Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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