dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
