I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
