please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
