So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
