She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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