hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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