her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
