I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I puked a lego.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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