All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
