Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
