Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

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(443): View more from Maryland

How is it? Sketchville?

(1-443): View more from Maryland

cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness

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(847): View more from Illinois

Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

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(516): View more from New York

I understand why you refuse to be sober now

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(906): View more from Michigan

Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.

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(516): View more from New York

any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?

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(989): View more from Michigan

I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.

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(925): View more from California

Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina

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