me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
