he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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