So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
