She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
