If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
