I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
