Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
