brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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