I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
