it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
