I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
