when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
