My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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