I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
