My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
