Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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