oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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