checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
