I bet he comes in French.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
