I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
