I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
