I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
