apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
