it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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