So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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