Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
