he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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