I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
