So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
