Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
